Sunday Musing: WHEN PEOPLE MAKE US AFRAID OF GOD

There are many reasons people become afraid of God, and sometimes that fear begins long before they are old enough to understand who God truly is.

I know this because, for a time, it happened to me.

When I was a young child, my father and one of his friends used to take me to a church that called itself Christian. At that age, I did not really understand what church was supposed to be, what faith meant, or what it meant to have a relationship with God. I had been baptized Catholic and was later baptized Christian. My mother was Catholic and my father was Christian, and at times they clashed over their different beliefs. Looking back, there is a certain irony in that because, in the end, if you believe in and follow Jesus Christ, you are a Christian. As a child, though, I understood none of those distinctions. I was simply being taken somewhere adults told me I had to go, and some of what I experienced there would remain with me long after I stopped attending.

I remember being brought to the front of the church with several other children and being struck with a thick paddle as punishment. It happened more than once. During those experiences, we were warned about hell and told that if we lied, we could spend eternity there. I was a child hearing about eternal punishment while being physically punished inside a place that was supposed to represent God. We were also taught that parents were expected to punish their children, even for things that seemed incredibly small to me at the time.

Looking back, punishment had already become a familiar part of my childhood. It seemed as though I was punished quite a bit, and sometimes it wasn’t even for something I had done. If my sister did something wrong, there were times when I received the punishment. My mother would sometimes call my grandfather over to discipline me with the strap. I loved my mother and grandfather dearly, and I love and miss them both today—God bless their souls—but I can also acknowledge that growing up did not always feel fair.

Eventually, I reached a point where getting into trouble hardly seemed to matter anymore because I had become almost immune to being punished. If I wasn’t being punished for trouble I had created myself, there were times I was being punished for something my sister had done. Then I would go to church and face punishment there as well, sometimes without even understanding what I had done to deserve it.

What I remember most clearly today is what all of this was doing to me spiritually.

I was walking away from God.

I did not understand theology. I did not understand Scripture. I did not understand the difference between the actions of human beings and the character of our Divine Father God. I was simply a child, and from where I stood, the people who were supposed to be teaching me about God were giving me reasons to be afraid of Him.

After that, I hated going to church. Even today, I rarely attend because I have encountered so many churches and denominations that seem to contradict one another in what they teach, and that has never sat well with me. The Catholic Church presents another difficulty for me because of the long and deeply troubling history of clergy sexual abuse involving children and the institutional failures that allowed some of that abuse to continue. Every time another case or accusation surfaces, it becomes another reminder of how badly human beings can fail while occupying positions that are supposed to represent faith and spiritual leadership.

None of this means that every priest, pastor, church, or Christian is responsible for what others have done. There are many sincere people of faith and many churches doing tremendous good in their communities. Yet when religious institutions or the people entrusted with spiritual authority harm those they are supposed to protect, particularly children, the consequences can reach far beyond the immediate wrongdoing. For some people, those experiences can damage their trust not only in a church, but in Christianity itself and ultimately in God.

That is part of the problem I came to understand as I grew older. God and the people who claim to represent God are not always the same reflection. Human beings can contradict one another, fail one another, and sometimes do terrible things in His name. Their actions should never be allowed to become the final measure of who our Divine Father God truly is.

As a child, though, I did not yet understand that distinction. I fought against going nearly every week, but I was a child and the decision was not mine to make. I was forced to return, and with every return, something was being settled within me that I would not fully understand until I became older. Instead of first learning about the love of our Divine Father God, the sacrifice and compassion of Jesus Christ, or the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit, I began associating church and religion with fear, punishment, and the terrifying possibility of spending eternity in hell for every bad thing I had ever done.

When my father left our family when I was around ten years old, my childhood attendance at that church ended. As I grew older and began understanding Christianity for myself, I started recognizing something that would become very important to my own faith: what human beings present to us as Christianity and what Scripture actually teaches are not always the same thing.

I still attend church from time to time, particularly around Christmas and Easter, but when I do, I attend a church of my own choosing. That distinction means something to me because faith should never exist simply because another human being forced it upon us. There is a tremendous difference between being compelled through the doors of a church as a frightened child and entering those doors later in life because you have freely chosen to seek God for yourself.

My experience is only one example of how people can become afraid of God.

For some, that fear begins within a religious environment where nearly every mistake is met with threats of damnation. Others may have experienced abusive clergy, controlling religious leaders, humiliation, manipulation, or punishment carried out in God’s name. Some were taught extensively about judgment before anyone meaningfully taught them about grace, forgiveness, compassion, or redemption. Others may have encountered Christians whose cruelty, hypocrisy, condemnation, or treatment of others became the only representation of Christianity they had ever known.

There are also people whose fear of God comes from completely different experiences. Someone who has endured terrible suffering may wonder why God allowed it to happen. Someone carrying tremendous guilt may believe that what they have done places them permanently beyond forgiveness. Someone who has lost a person they deeply loved may struggle with anger toward God. Another person may look at everything happening in the world and wonder why an all-powerful God permits humanity to experience so much pain.

These are not insignificant questions, and they should not be dismissed with shallow answers. Yet one of the greatest mistakes we can make is allowing the failures of human beings to become our definition of God. Parents, churches, ministers, and religious institutions can fail us, and people who claim to represent Christianity can behave in ways that bear little resemblance to the teachings of Jesus Christ. Their failures do not change who God is.

This becomes especially important when we consider what Scripture means when it speaks about fearing the Lord. For someone whose earliest religious experiences involved literal fear, passages about the “fear of the LORD” can initially sound like confirmation that God wants us to be terrified of Him.

Proverbs tells us:

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.” — Proverbs 9:10 (KJV)

The biblical fear of the Lord involves reverence, awe, humility, recognition of His holiness, respect for His authority, and understanding that our lives are accountable before Him. God is not simply another human authority whom we can reduce to our own preferences. He is our Creator, and Scripture never asks us to pretend that sin, judgment, righteousness, or accountability do not matter.

Yet reverence for God is profoundly different from teaching a frightened child to view God primarily as someone waiting for an opportunity to punish them.

That distinction matters.

A person can respect the power of God without believing God takes pleasure in terrorizing them. We can understand that our actions have consequences without believing every mistake places us permanently beyond His mercy. We can acknowledge the reality of sin without forgetting the reason Jesus Christ came into this world.

If we want to understand the heart of God toward humanity, one of the clearest places we can look is at Jesus Christ. When children were brought to Jesus, He did not frighten them away. Scripture tells us, “But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not:

“But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.” — Mark 10:14 (KJV)

There is something deeply meaningful about those words when viewed through the eyes of anyone whose childhood experiences caused them to associate religion with fear, because Jesus welcomed the children.

Throughout His earthly ministry, we repeatedly see Christ approaching people who were broken, rejected, ashamed, grieving, sick, sinful, or pushed aside by society. He never pretended that sin did not matter, and He never taught that human beings were free from accountability before God. Yet neither did He reduce the message of salvation to nothing more than terror.

He offered forgiveness.

He offered restoration.

He offered hope.

He offered salvation.

The Gospel itself begins not with humanity’s love for God, but with God’s love for humanity.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” — John 3:16 (KJV)

The verse immediately following it is equally important:

“For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” — John 3:17 (KJV)

Those words do not erase the reality of sin or judgment. They explain why Christ came.

Jesus Christ did not come because humanity had already made itself worthy of salvation. He came because we could not save ourselves.

That is the difference between a faith built entirely around terror and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Gospel tells us that sin is real, but so is forgiveness. Judgment is real, but so is mercy. Human beings fall short, but grace exists precisely because we do. Death is real, but Christ conquered it through His resurrection. Our past is real, but through Jesus Christ, it does not have to determine our eternity.

Romans 5:8 tells us:

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8 (KJV)

There is extraordinary comfort in those words because they tell us that God’s love did not begin after we became perfect.

Christ died for us while we were sinners.

For someone who has spent years believing that God is constantly waiting for them to make a mistake, understanding that truth can completely change the way they see Him.

This does not mean that God approves of everything we do. A loving parent does not stop loving a child simply because correction is sometimes necessary, and correction itself does not require cruelty. Scripture teaches us that God disciplines those He loves, but biblical correction should never become an excuse for human beings to justify abuse, humiliation, manipulation, or violence carried out under the claim that they are acting on God’s behalf.

Hebrews 12:6 tells us:

“For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” — Hebrews 12:6 (KJV)

That verse should be understood within the larger biblical picture of God’s character, while recognizing that even those who have spent a lifetime studying Scripture may never fully comprehend everything within it. It should never be isolated and transformed into permission for people to mistreat others. Human beings are capable of taking Scripture and using it in ways that serve their own authority, anger, or desire for control. The misuse of Scripture does not make Scripture itself responsible for what people choose to do with it.

Jesus repeatedly confronted religious hypocrisy during His earthly ministry. Some of His strongest words were directed not toward the broken people seeking Him, but toward religious leaders who placed burdens upon others while failing to recognize their own spiritual condition.

In Matthew 23:4, Jesus said:

“For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.” — Matthew 23:4 (KJV)

Those words remain worthy of consideration today.

Religious authority carries tremendous responsibility because people can be deeply affected by those who claim to speak in God’s name. A person standing behind a pulpit can help someone discover faith, hope, forgiveness, and salvation, but that position of influence can also cause tremendous damage when Scripture is manipulated or authority is abused.

Children are especially vulnerable because they generally trust adults to explain the world to them. If a child is repeatedly told that God is angry with them, that every mistake places them in danger of eternal punishment, or that physical humiliation is somehow evidence of God’s love, they may grow older without understanding that the image of God placed within their mind was shaped by the actions of imperfect human beings.

This is something I believe Christians need to understand when we encounter people who no longer believe in God, reject Scripture, refuse to enter a church, or identify themselves as atheists. We cannot assume that everyone arrived at that place through the same journey. For some, their questions may be intellectual or philosophical. For others, disbelief may have developed after years of witnessing hypocrisy, suffering, unanswered questions, or contradictions in what they were taught. There are also many different religious beliefs and interpretations in this world, some of which contradict one another, and that alone can leave people questioning what they are supposed to believe or whom they are supposed to trust. For some, the journey may reach all the way back to childhood, when the first people entrusted with teaching them about God presented Him in ways that created fear rather than understanding.

That is one reason I shared my own story. I know what it is like for childhood experiences to begin pushing someone away from God before they are even old enough to understand what they are walking away from. When a child is taught incorrectly, frightened unnecessarily, or shown a distorted picture of God, we should not be surprised when that child eventually becomes an adult who wants nothing to do with religion. By then, rejecting God may feel inseparable from rejecting the people, experiences, and fear they learned to associate with Him.

This does not mean every person who becomes an atheist was mistreated as a child, nor does it mean childhood religious experiences explain every person’s disbelief. Human beings reach their conclusions about God for many different reasons. It does mean that before Christians judge someone for not believing, we should consider asking a much more compassionate question: What happened along the way that helped bring this person to where they are today?

Sometimes the person standing before us may not need another Christian telling them how wrong they are. They may need someone willing to listen long enough to understand why believing became so difficult in the first place.

Some may eventually walk away from Christianity completely, while others may continue believing in God but remain afraid to approach Him. Some may spend decades carrying guilt that Christ has already offered to forgive, while others may avoid churches because entering one brings back memories they would rather forget. We should be careful before judging any of them because we rarely know the entire journey that brought another person to where they stand today.

Jesus reminds us:

“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” — Matthew 7:1–2 (KJV)

Those words are especially important when we encounter someone whose relationship with God is different from our own. We may see where that person stands today, but we may know very little about everything they experienced along the way. I have met many kind and compassionate people who do not believe in God or identify themselves as atheists, yet they are the kind of people who would give you the shirt off their back to help you, even when helping someone else creates a burden for themselves. I know this personally because some of those people have helped me along my own journey when I needed someone the most.

I believe there have been times when God placed people in my life to help me, even when they did not believe in Him themselves, just as there may have been times when He placed me in their lives so that I could help them. Sometimes we may not even recognize what is happening or understand why our paths crossed until much later, when the outcome begins to unfold. Faith has taught me not to dismiss someone simply because they do not believe what I believe, because our Divine Father God may be working through circumstances and relationships in ways neither of us can yet see.

This is one reason compassion matters so much when speaking about faith. We can proclaim biblical truth without cruelty. We can speak honestly about sin without treating sinners as though they are beyond redemption. We can teach accountability without humiliation. We can warn about consequences without forgetting to explain grace.

Jesus demonstrated that balance better than anyone ever could.

I also remember something my father and his friend told me very clearly when I was young: “Don’t you ever do what other people do—smoking, drinking, or getting high. That is the devil’s work, and you will go to hell for that.” As a child, I did not possess enough knowledge of Scripture to question what I was being told. If an adult told me something would send me to hell, then hell became what I associated with doing that thing.

As I grew older, I eventually did some of those very things. I smoked, I drank, and I got high, and at times I enjoyed them. I do not say that because I think those choices were somehow impressive or because I want to encourage anyone else to make them. Some can develop into destructive habits, addictions, and behaviors that cause tremendous damage to ourselves and the people around us.

Today, I may still enjoy an occasional cigar or a drink from time to time, but my understanding of these things is no longer based upon the frightening absolutes I was given as a child. In fact, if I am being truthful about my younger years, part of the reason I eventually did some of those things was because I had been told so forcefully that I could not. The fear that was supposed to keep me away from them eventually produced the opposite reaction. I became curious, rebellious, and determined to find out for myself rather than simply accepting what I had been told.

Looking back, that taught me something else about how we speak to children about faith and the choices they will eventually face. Simply frightening someone with hell does not necessarily teach them why something may be harmful, why self-control matters, or how their decisions can affect their lives and the lives of others. Fear may control someone’s behavior for a time, but understanding gives them something they can carry with them when they are old enough to make those decisions for themselves.

As I began learning about the life and teachings of Jesus Christ for myself, I discovered that Scripture required far more understanding than simply being handed a list of things people said would send me to hell. Jesus Himself attended the wedding at Cana, and when the celebration ran out of wine, He turned water into wine. John tells us that this was the beginning of His miracles and that through it He

“manifested forth his glory.” — John 2:11 (KJV)

I certainly did not take that to mean that Scripture encourages drunkenness, addiction, intoxication, or allowing anything to take control of our lives. What it showed me was that the understanding I had been given as a child was far too simplistic. I had been taught to think primarily in terms of do this and God will send you to hell, yet as I continued reading Scripture and learning about Jesus Christ, I found a much deeper message about sin, repentance, forgiveness, self-control, mercy, grace, and salvation.

This is another reason we must be extremely careful about what we teach children about God. A child may carry those words for decades, just as I carried some of the words spoken to me. If we present every human failure as another reason for God to condemn someone, we may teach that person to hide from God precisely when they most need to understand His grace. Scripture does not tell us that our choices are without consequences, but neither does the Gospel teach that every person who falls short is therefore beyond the reach of God’s mercy.

The way Jesus treated people helped me understand that distinction more clearly. Consider the woman brought before Him after being caught in adultery. Those surrounding her were prepared to condemn her, but Jesus confronted what was taking place before addressing the woman herself. When her accusers eventually departed, Christ did not tell her that sin did not matter, nor did He tell her that what she had done was acceptable. He told her:

“Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” — John 8:11 (KJV)

Those words contain the balance that I had not understood as a child. Jesus did not excuse the sin, but He did not treat the woman as though her sin had placed her beyond mercy. He acknowledged the need for change while refusing to condemn her as those surrounding her had been prepared to do. There was accountability, but there was also compassion, mercy, and an opportunity to walk forward differently.

Peter gives us another powerful example of that mercy. He was not someone who had never known Jesus or understood who He was. Peter had walked beside Christ, listened to His teachings, witnessed His miracles, and declared his loyalty to Him. Yet on the night Jesus was arrested, fear overtook Peter, and he denied knowing Jesus three separate times. Christ had already warned him that this would happen:

“Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.” — Matthew 26:34 (KJV)

Peter insisted that he would never deny Him, but the events unfolded exactly as Jesus had said. After the third denial, Peter realized what he had done.

“And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.” — Matthew 26:75 (KJV)

Peter had failed Jesus at one of the most critical moments imaginable, but Jesus did not decide that Peter’s failure made him worthless or beyond forgiveness. After the Resurrection, Christ returned to Peter and gave him the opportunity to reaffirm the love and devotion that fear had caused him to deny. Three times Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him, and Peter answered that he did. Jesus then entrusted him with an extraordinary responsibility:

“He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.” — John 21:17 (KJV)

That is something I believe we should remember whenever we begin thinking that our failures have placed us beyond God’s willingness to forgive. Peter denied Jesus three times, yet Jesus restored him and still gave him purpose. His failure mattered, his remorse was real, but his worst moment did not become the final definition of who he was.

That is another side of Jesus Christ that I did not understand as a frightened child. I had been taught to fear what God would do to me when I failed, but I had not yet been taught enough about what Jesus Christ was willing to do for me when I did.

That is very different from teaching a child that every wrong choice should leave them terrified of spending eternity in hell. As I grew older, I began to understand that Christianity was not supposed to be a lifelong exercise in being afraid of making a mistake. We will make mistakes. We will fall short. We may make choices we regret, and sometimes those choices will carry serious consequences. Yet the entire reason Jesus Christ gave His life upon the cross was because none of us could achieve perfection on our own.

Scripture reminds us:

“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” — Romans 3:23 (KJV)

If falling short meant that God’s forgiveness was forever beyond our reach, there would be no hope for any of us. The Gospel tells us otherwise. Through Jesus Christ, there is repentance, forgiveness, redemption, and salvation—and that was a very different understanding of our Divine Father God from the one fear had given me as a child.

There is another passage that has become particularly meaningful to me when thinking about what fear can do to our understanding of God.

First John tells us:

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.” — 1 John 4:18 (KJV)

The fear described there is connected with torment and punishment, which is very different from the reverence Scripture describes when speaking about the fear of the Lord. When we understand God’s love through Jesus Christ, we no longer need to live as though our Divine Father is simply waiting to condemn those who come to Him seeking forgiveness.

This is why our relationship with God must ultimately become personal.

Other people may introduce us to Christianity, teach us Scripture, bring us to church, encourage us in faith, and help us understand difficult questions. Those relationships can be tremendous blessings when they are grounded in truth and genuine love.

Yet no human being can have our relationship with God for us. At some point, we must seek Him ourselves, open Scripture ourselves, pray ourselves, and decide whether the God we have been told about by other people is the God actually revealed within His Word. That journey can be especially important for anyone whose first experiences with religion were painful.

I cannot go backward and change what happened to me as a child. I cannot return to those moments and give that younger version of myself a different introduction to church. Those experiences happened, and pretending otherwise would accomplish nothing.

Yet the people responsible for those experiences do not get the final word about who God is. That belongs to our Divine Father God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the Word of God.

As I became older, I was able to make my own decisions about faith. I could read, question, learn, pray, and understand Christianity beyond what had been presented to me as a child. I could recognize that being frightened by people inside a church was not the same thing as being rejected by God.

That realization matters because there may be someone reading this who has spent years avoiding God because of what another person did in His name.

If that is you, I will not tell you that your experience did not matter, because it did. I will not tell you that you should simply forget what happened, because some wounds do not disappear simply because someone tells us they should. But I would encourage you not to allow the person or people who hurt you to possess permanent authority over your understanding of God. Look at Jesus Christ for yourself, read His words, consider how He treated the broken, how He responded to hypocrisy, and how He welcomed those whom others rejected. Most importantly, look at the cross.

Christ willingly endured betrayal, humiliation, torture, and crucifixion, carrying the sins of humanity upon Himself. Three days later, He rose from the grave, defeating death and establishing the hope upon which our faith rests.

That is not the story of a God searching for reasons to prevent humanity from reaching Him.

It is the story of a God who made a way for humanity to return to Him.

Second Peter reminds us:

“The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” — 2 Peter 3:9 (KJV)

Our Divine Father desires repentance because He desires restoration.

Jesus Christ gave Himself because salvation required a price we could never pay ourselves.

The Holy Spirit remains our Comforter, guiding us toward truth and working within hearts that may have spent years carrying wounds other people cannot see.

There will always be people who misuse religion. There will always be human beings who fail to represent the faith they profess. Churches are made up of imperfect people, and no institution operated by human beings will ever be completely free from human failure.

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Prayer

Heavenly Father,

We come before You today with humility and gratitude, praising You for Your holiness, Your mercy, Your patience, and Your unfailing love. You know every heart completely, including the wounds that have remained hidden from everyone else.

Father, we pray especially today for those who have been hurt by people claiming to represent You. We pray for those whose childhood memories of church are filled with fear rather than comfort, those who experienced humiliation or abuse within religious environments, and those who were taught to see You primarily through threats, punishment, and condemnation. You know what happened to them, what was said, what was done, and how deeply those experiences may have shaped the way they understand You today. Help them separate the failures of human beings from the truth of who You are, heal the wounds that still remain, and give them the courage to seek You beyond the people who may have misrepresented You.

Lord Jesus Christ, we praise You and thank You for showing us the love of our Divine Father so clearly. Thank You for welcoming the broken, showing compassion to those who were rejected, confronting hypocrisy, offering forgiveness to sinners, and willingly giving Your life upon the cross for our salvation. Help us to look toward You when human examples fail us, and remind those carrying guilt that forgiveness is available through You, those who feel unworthy that Your grace was never reserved for perfect people, and those who have been frightened away from faith that Your invitation still stands.

Holy Spirit, our Comforter and guide, bring peace to those whose memories continue to cause pain. Give strength to those struggling to trust again, wisdom to those searching for answers, and comfort to those who have carried these burdens alone for far too long.

Father, we also pray for churches, pastors, teachers, parents, and everyone entrusted with helping others understand Your Word. Give them wisdom, humility, compassion, and discernment, and never allow positions of spiritual authority to become instruments of cruelty, manipulation, pride, or control. Help all who speak in Your name remember the tremendous responsibility that comes with representing Your truth to others.

Teach us to hold truth and grace together, never diminishing the seriousness of sin while never forgetting the greatness of Your mercy. Help us to reverence You without misunderstanding Your love, to obey You without believing obedience must be produced through terror, and to approach You with the confidence that comes from knowing what Jesus Christ has accomplished for us.

For anyone who has been afraid to return to You, Father, let today become another step toward healing. For anyone who believes they have gone too far to be forgiven, remind them of the cross; for anyone who believes they are alone, remind them of Your presence; and for anyone whose understanding of You was damaged by the actions of others, lead them gently toward the truth revealed through Your Word and through Your Son.

May our lives represent You faithfully, may our words bring people closer to You rather than driving them away, and may our actions reflect the compassion, truth, mercy, and love that Jesus Christ demonstrated throughout His earthly ministry. We praise You, our Divine Father God; we praise You, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ; and we honor and thank You, Holy Spirit, our Comforter and guide. May everything we say and everything we do bring honor and glory to Your holy name.

We ask these things with humble and thankful hearts, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

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